American Undercroft

Fr. Bennie Hader

Pastor, St. Jerome Parish

I’d like to remind everyone that our annual celebration of the Feast Day of St. Francis of Assisi will take place in the Multi-Purpose Churchatorium on Sunday, October 4.  However, this year’s celebration will take a slightly different turn from previous installments.

In recent years, all pets have been welcome at our St. Francis blessing.   But due to circumstances beyond the parish’s control, the following restrictions are now in effect:

• Small, yippy dogs are no longer welcome.  They’re not actually pets.  They are overgrown rats with hairbows.  You know it and I know it.  In the even there is a question as to whether or not your small, yippy dog is in fact a dog or a rat, we have instituted the Paris Hilton Test:  If the animal can fit inside an average designer handbag, it is not welcome at the blessing.

• Dominatrixes are hereby asked to leave their clients at home.  Or, you may proceed directly to the confessional.  Just don’t stand next to little Bobby clutching his goldfish bowl.

• What would be really awesome is if someone brought a lion.  Come on, a lion.  I’ve never blessed a lion, and I need a new homily hook.