American Undercroft

Janet Romano

Director of Constant Liturgical Variety,  St. Peter the Apostle Parish

This time of the Church year is known as “Ordinary Time,” as in ordinal, as in “a whole bunch of numbers,” as in… endless opportunities for FUN!

Unconstrained by depressing Lent or blocked-by-skiing-vacay Advent, Ordinary Time is an excellent opportunity to liven up Mass in your parish.  Can’t let some musty old 2000-year tradition get stale!

• Fireworks:  Literal, wonderful fireworks!  Next July 5, find a Wal-Mart parking lot near you, park, and look for the closest garish sign. That will be your friendly neighborhood fireworks vendor.  At this point in the season, the best bangers can be had one a buy one, get two basis.  Those of you stuck in old churches with distractingly high roofs and offensively ornate artwork are actually at an advantage here:  Get yourselves some high shooters.  Everybody else?  Set off a nice flowerpot there in the middle of your Parish Center right after the Consecration.  God will love it.
• Pet Participation:  Many parishes offer pet blessings on the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi.  But does not Our Lord love all the tarantulas and hamsters of the world all year long?  Invite your parishioners to deposit their pets on the altar, there to stay and delight the congregation during Mass.  An artistically placed ant farm always brings such dignity to the liturgy.
• Pimps and Hos Sunday:  Does your parish encourage everyone to wear red on Pentecost?  So yesterday!  Celebrate Our Lord’s friendship with tax collectors and prostitutes with Pimps and Hos Sunday!  Any decent party store will offer appropriate feather boas, gold tooth caps, and enormous hats.  Fun for the whole family!